I'm a quirky engineer slash entrepreneur girl who loves life.


Why do women have to choose career over family?

It amazes me how much we women say that we have progressed so much yet there are so many instances they betray themselves.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about life, work, career, and marriage. As you can tell from the start, the conversation did not go well…

To my friend, if you have an opinion, state it as an opinion. Don’t phrase it as though I’m a retard and tell me off because I chose to place my career over family and later say ‘I’m just sharing an opinion’. Not with that tone!

Our conversation started with how would I be working for a company that’s is located in Seattle yet I would spend a considerable amount of time in Toronto. That and I should seriously consider having kids since I am not getting any younger and I should put marriage and kids ahead of my career because I was becoming too modern and I am not a guy, I’m a girl…we cannot have the same things they get.

My response – Fuck you! Seriously, fuck you.

Why the heck do I have to chose career over family? Why don’t men do that? Why can they have it all?

I don’t think it’s fair that women have to sacrifice their career and ambition for a shit paycheck (or none) and start producing kids because it’s the norm. I don’t think it’s fair that women have to put aside their ambition for the sake of a getting married and knocked up (excuse my bluntness).

You know if I wanted to be ‘housewife’ or live off a man, sure I’d give up my job and let him be my bank account. But as my partner knows, I’m just not that kind of girl. Never have been and never will be, no matter how many times people try and force me to be this way because that is what they are familiar with. Not me. No way!

Plus, you’d be surprised how many women I have met that are absolutely miserable yet they put a great front of ‘how happy life is, oh I’m so lucky’. So many regret sacrificing everything for a guy only to find out he was shit-ass after she did. Some finally have the courage to leave him but have to go through the stigma of being a single parent and at the same time go through extensive training to be at par with their competition.

To be honest, I did this first. I threw aside my career for a guy and lived in a country where the only good thing I got was to spend quality time with my family. That was the only good thing I got. After so many years, I left him and started all over again by going back to school, graduated and got an awesome job at a company he could never get into (oh yeah, if my ex was around I’d love to rub it in his face)

More than seven years later I’m ready to commit to a guy and now my friends are telling me to put him, kids and family first before my career. NO WAY!

If it was my first time, I might be a idiot and believe you because you know best…but It’s not. So to me, what you are telling me is the same lie all girls are told.

Guy comes first, you come second.
Family comes first, you come second.
Their needs come first, you come second.

And that whole BS that you are queen and are treated as such, lets’ face it. It’s BS. You are only treated like a queen in instances when it suits them (like if I get her flowers, she will continue to do my laundry; if I get her a gift, she will continue to keep the house clean, etc). How do I know this? This was the game that was played on me before.

When I asked to go back to school to get a Bachelors, I was told no…how will you make time to have kids and looks after the family.

For a guy, he can have it all. He can play with guys, work at an awesome job, get promoted, travel anywhere for work and work long hours…..why? Because he married a maid/lover/breeder/mom.

She shouldn’t work so all she does is cook, there for you when you need her, procreate and look after them every day and night when they are not in school. ¬†She is mom and dad, and the guy is just there to provide financial support and spend ‘quality’ time. It’s her job to spend quantity time (but we will call it quality so she doesn’t feel left out).

So to my friend who might visit my blog, no I will not quit my job so I can live permanently in Toronto with my partner.
NO I will not have kids right away because I’m in my thirties and am getting old and grey fast.
NO I will not put him before me.

I am the only person I can depend on.

If women like Sheryl Sandberg can do it, so can I.

2 Responses to Why do women have to choose career over family?

  1. Naaz says:

    Hi Safinaaz, my name is Naaz Dattu. You write with conviction and courage, really admire your determination to break the mold and be your own woman. I can totally relate to the experience you relay above. You’re so right, women should have their own goals and aspirations – other than being someone’s wife and mother to children. The expectation to give it all up or compromise is so prevalent in our culture/community. Look forward to reading more from you. If you share this comment with your husband, he’ll tell me who I am :-)

    • admin says:

      Hi Naaz! Thanks for stopping by.
      Thank you for the lovely comment. We need more strong women to break the mold instead of conforming to what formula worked during their parents time. What elders think you should do. Gone are the days where we can depend on men for everything.
      I’ll bring your name up to my partner (once he can lift his head up from work ;) ).

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